Whatever Takes Us Away

It took me nearly all day, but I managed to complete a simple task. You see, this morning I did not know if I was to go to a cousin's wedding or not. As it turns out I stayed home to work on a few things, one of which was a short video for church for tomorrow morning's service. Jake and Noah stayed home with me while Madison and Annika traveled with Tina and my parents to the wedding.

After one and a half hours of working on this video project I stopped. I knew that at some point the boys and I would go fishing during the day, and if we had time and energy left, the park as well. My project was not complete, but I stopped working on it and we left for the lake. No luck there, not even a bite - to the park we went. The boys ran around for a while, played with some of the other kids there and we then turned towards the homestead. Jake wanted to watch a movie and Noah wanted to play outside a little more: wishes granted!

I turned my attention not towards my uncompleted project, but towards another incomplete project; my non-working lawn tractor. The engine is just fine, however, two of the three blades do not turn on the mower deck. Problem solved, a belt slipped off of a pully and I mowed the yard. My video project still not complete.

Tina, the girls, and my parents show up a bit later and we chat for a while. Shortly thereafter Mom & Dad head for home themselves. I give the kids brief marching orders, giving them 15 more minutes to play outside, then it's time to get ready for bed (bathroom routines, teeth, face, hands, etc.). 9:30 pm and still no completed video project.

TV time! I found some interesting programming on the National Geographic Channel, something about a lost (now found) book of what could have been included in the Bible - the Gospel of Judas?!? Sounded neat, so I plopped down beside my now sleeping wife and began watching. But then I started to think, it's ten o'clock now, I should really get to working on finishing that video for tomorrow; and a sound came from the computer. At the next commercial I got up, walked to the computer and realized the sound was a reminder on the calendar.

This weekend is a Walk to Emmaus weekend for Northhern Illinois, and I signed up at this time for part of the 72 hour prayer vigil. My time had come. For an hour, I set aside everything else that could have mattered to me then, but instead I chose to spend that time reflecting on, relying on, talking to, and listening for God. There is a group of men outside of Woodstock, Illinois right now that need me to do what I promised I would do. And so, here I am listening to God - this day, all of it, was spent in His presence and listening to Him leading me throughout it. I didn't finish that project earlier today for a reason, He didn't want me to finish it then. We caught no fish (can't figure that part out though). I spent my day with my two boys, just them and me. And, he got me off my lazy butt to finish a project at a time when I was supposed to be off my butt already - which is why he got my up. I am to pray for the men who are pilgrims this weekend, the men who are lay leaders this weekend, the speakers, agape people, spiritual directors, and all others involved with this Walk to Emmaus weekend. It was six years ago this weekend that I had my first Walk weekend, I pray that those men there have a wonderful experience, one that will someday lead them to not finish a project until they have first listened to what God's plan was for them.

De Colores!

I'm going to ask a rhetorical question and try to answer it, stick with me on this one. A few twists and turns aside, I'm sure I'll get to some kind of conclusion before too long.

1.) At what point does venting one's frustration become complaining?

There are a few different situations going on right now that lead me to this question. I will leave out the specific details as to not upset or offend, but feel I must get some of this out of my head before I give myself a headache. When I first began thinking about this last night at work I wondered for a while, and eventually came up with several other questions that need to be answered before answering question one. 2.) Who do you vent to? 3.) How long does it take for one to get beyond frustration? 4.) As the listener, when do you only hear the negative complaining and not the vented frustration?

To answer the second question for me is pretty simple. I often vent to my wife. She is understanding, and in most cases a very good listener. She offers advice when appropriate. And, she is always there to listen to me. On the chance that it is more of a guy matter, I'll talk with my Dad or one of the guys at work, much like my wife, they are decent listeners and can offer sound advice when needed. There are others too, that when I am in need, are there for me. I have friends from one coast of the US to the other and many points in between. So, I have a good network of people that I can vent to when necessary. I also have this journal that anyone can read (though I sometimes have to present the venting in a less forthright manner).

To the first question: One of the current situations revolves around people not making decisions, or not wanting to share the information about decisions being made. It is tough, you try to have open lines of communication, but often those lines are only real in thought and theory. I find it interesting to look at these two words side by side: complimentary & complaining. Similar in sight, similar in sound, yet completely different meanings. I could be tauting the good things about a person, complimenting them on their abilities to share knowledge, on their abilities to lead, on how well they present themselves; or I could be complaining about how they don't listen, how they don't share information, or how horribly they present themselves. It's all relative to situation and perception. How long do I endure this frustration?

So how long must I vent? When does that venting turn to complaining? In another situation I know someone that has a difficult time seeing anything but the negative in life, rarely finding anything good or having a silver lining or ray of hope. No matter what or where, it is always how someone or something is bad, coming down on him, posing a threat to him - never how anything is going his way, presenting a new outlook, showing interest in a positive way. I must say that, in reference to question 3, it took me almost two years to go beyond frustration with this person. And to question 4, I finally got to the point of hearing only the negative after that nearly two year period.

I have no doubt that God will help me through these relational issues. He always seems to have a plan when mine fails or falls apart. I also have no doubt that at the right time, all things will be revealed for what they really are, whether of good intentions or bad. For now, I guess I'll have to keep venting when appropriate, and trying my best to keep it at that, venting. With few exceptions I try to keep the frustration level to a minimum, and even those have not much sway on my well-being.

To vent or not to vent? That is my question.

Clean up and recovery, or, the day after Easter - that is what today is. I think I speak for all of the family here when I say Easter was a good day indeed!

It started with the usual frenzy of candy and small gifts for the kids (thank you Easter Bunny!). It seems this unusual creature always seems to find exactly what the kids want. Afterwards we got ourselves ready and went to church and was part of a wonderful service, hearing a lot of music from kids and adults alike as well as a great message by our Pastor. From there it was straight to my parents house to help prepare for Easter dinner with family and friends.

And that about sums up the day. It was a lazy day, a good day, a relaxing day, and a wonderful day to remember why we have this day. There is nothing that can properly describe what Easter means to every person who truly celebrates this day - no one term can show the real measure of it for us all. And there was something in our Pastor's message that brought this to my attention once again. We all have our own personal "Easter" experience, that one time that helps us remember why we celebrate this day. While I don't remember the exact date on which this happened for me, I know where I was and exactly what I was doing when I had my "Easter" experience, that night when I, or at least my eternal self, was resurrected.

Oddly enough I was at a place called Resurrection Center on my first Walk to Emmaus retreat. It was Saturday and it was spring time (April if I'm not mistaken), and it was night. The whole day was overwhelming in and of itself, but there were some unexpected surprises along the way, wonderful surprises and other events that lead me to this point. There was no pressure from anyone to do this, there was no expectation for me to fall on my face, and there was hardly anyone else near me (there were lots of people in the room, but I was by myself). I knew all of this in my head, but there was no connection to my heart; all of that changed in an instant and I knew that things would be much different for me from that point on. I had been resurrected from the wretched life I had lead, forgiven for the wrongs I had done, and given a new chance to try to live better.

My resurrection was not nearly as important for the world as Jesus'. Mine made a difference in my life and those around me. His changed the way history would be formed forever. Mine was significant to me, my family and my friends. His was and still is significant to millions of believers around the world and is why we have such a holiday in the first place. His gave us hope for the future, all of us. I hope those of you that read this have such a personal experience with the Risen Christ like I have had; circumstances aside, place and time irrelevant, but the intimate experience that can change your life and those around you is what is important now and for your future.

Reflect on your experience and have some of that Easter chocolate, it just tastes good.

Happy Easter!

You know, computers have a great learning curve. I thought I'd do a little research on getting audio files up on the "journal", kind of like podcasting for you techno-files and iPod junkies. I'm learning a lot. There are numerous programs out there that will allow you to make Podcasts, some are more in-depth than others. However, I cannot actually post podcasts through this host, but I can post MP3 files. So, if in the next couple of weeks you see something new, be sure to stop and check it out. Yes, it will be the sound of my voice, and possibly others too, it's all experimental and in infancy stages right now (the sound of my own voice is kind of scary to me). I am trying to learn this for more than just my own self-gratification. Surely there's a Podcast 101 somewhere online by now!

In other news . . . Our dog is making her recovery now from, much like myself, getting fixed the other day. She is not nearly as active, but that is to be expected. It is nice to have her just lay around at our feet for a change, rather than wanting to jump up on us all the time.

The greenhouse is full of seedlings, flowering plants by the hundreds, vegetabels (especially tomatoes) are rapidly growing, and I anticipate the caladiums to start sprouting any day now. And I hope, in the next couple of weeks, to start transplanting all of that life into my yard (some planned out already, others I have no idea where to plant them).

Lastly, tomorrow morning, weather permitting, Dad and I will be heading out to the lake with the john boat for the first time this year. In all likelihood it will be a good time to sit, fish, talk and talk some more. This year we do plan on taking the kids out for short excursions here and there, but that will first require taking them to get life jackets - and I forsee that in the not-too-distant future.

Until next post.

It was nice, to be able to go to work during the day, come home and spend time with the kids. We sat on the back porch for a while talking, and at some point the conversation turned to pets. I was grilled by 4 and 6 year olds about all the pets I'd had growing up - and so I recounted as many as possible, remembering I think most of them and their names.

Then came another part of the day that I miss dearly; cooking dinner and sharing that with my family. Tonight we had 3 cheese tortellinis in alfredo sauce with two kinds of sausage and broccoli simmered in olive oil and cheese-garlic bread on the side. There was a salad, but no one got to that or was interested. It was delicious and more than filling. And it made me think . . .

I am entirely blessed. Here I am, 31 years old with wonderful children (of which there are four and no more), a wife I could never deserve, a house with nearly a half acre of land, two working vehicles, my health and a decent job. Could I ever complain? I look at all of this and more and wonder why God would choose to love even someone like me!?! I did nothing to deserve it, nothing to merit it, and I have done and will never be able to do anything that would earn this love. Yet here am I, 31 years old with all of this and more.

This love has often made me wonder about who I was, who I am, and who I belong to. This love is so tremendous that it has no boundaries. In Greek it is Agape, or unconditional love. Love with no but (I love my dog Sandy, but she can be overbearing sometimes). There are no strings attached to this love. This love God shares with me through Jesus Christ is so huge and awesome that many times I've tried to confine it to words to explain, but no words can describe it. It is a love that is similar to a parent's love for a child, but there is more.

As we draw nearer to Easter try to fathom what God, through Jesus, did for us. He took His one and only son, made him perfect and yet still allowed him to die for you and I. Easter is a sad time, yes, because Jesus died on that Friday before. However, Easter is at the same time a joyous occassion, because Jesus rose from the grave on that third day. Even in our worst times we have the ability to count even a couple of blessings, the least of which would be to have a house and a car. Even in our darkest hours we have a becon that can show us the lighted path. Because we are Easter people we have hope, and for me that is joy. I have many Earthly blessings that I can see, touch, smell, taste and hear, but I also have a heavenly blessing that I know is REAL, even though I can't see or touch it.

Spring Break has arrived! Well, at least for the kids - I'm still working this week, but I do get to work first shift.

The road to recovery is going. I'm feeling better, but still having some issues in the affected area. Couple that with tweaking my back yesterday while picking up Noah and I've not been having a good last two days. But, again, I am on the mend, slowly getting better. Tomorrow I go back to work, hopefully feeling better, and able to do the required tasks.

However, I did have the opportunity this evening to get out of the house for a couple hours by myself, enjoying some quite time with the water. I did manage to actually pull some fish out of said water, 7 blue gill, 1 catfish, and one crappie. I put them all back in hopes they will grow and I'll catch them again. But it wasn't just the fishing part that I enjoyed, before heading out, Madison and I dug around in the dirt together pulling worms for me to use as bait. I always enjoyed, as a kid, digging in the dirt, finding worms and other bugs to use - I didn't think I'd ever have a daughter that would WANT to do this with me. It's fun, and it is a good time for us to bond.

Next time the lake calls my name I'll have two more people with me, Jacob & Madison, who will hopefully pull some fish out beside me. I look forward to this and hope these memories they are building with me will last them a lifetime. I remember the times, as a youngster, when my Dad would take my brother and I out to this lake or that stream and we'd all fish (though sometimes I would wander off, throw stones, climb trees, play in the mud, etc.). I remember those trips, and enjoy the memories of those trips, and I hope, as my children grow older they too will remember these short fishing trips and someday share similar experiences with their children.

I hope you enjoy spring break, where ever you may be, and I also hope you enjoy Easter. Does the Easter Bunny come to your house? I can only wish he'll stop here with lots of chocolate!

I am alive and somewhat, well, uncomfortable right now. The procedure went well, and was over with pretty quickly. I think we spent more time waiting to get in than I did on the table! However, things went well. Tina and I were both hungry afterwards and got tired of sitting in traffic on the way home so we stopped at Buffalo Wild Wings to get a bite to eat.

I've been spending most of my time in bed, watching TV and trying to keep my back from aching too much from being in bed so much.

Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers! I feel I will continue to need them for at least another day or two.

The day has arrived. The trip to the "snip doctor" will begin in just a few short hours. I am on the road to non-reproductivity, non-growth, no more babies (happy and sad emotions all rolled up into one event). It is sad to think that Annika will be the last of the brood, but at the same time I am glad I won't have to have many more months of waking up to change wet diapers or bottle feedings.

I've been spending my morning around plant life, both here in my own yard and at the greenhouse on the other side of town (Mom & Dad's). Why? Well it's kind of few fold thing: 1) I enjoy working the dirt, 2) I look forward to the new growth, and 3) To keep my mind off the event to come this afternoon.

It's exciting to see how many seedlings are popping up in those little pots. I know my dad and I will be kept busy for quite a while once we divide and decide where to plant everything. Not sure, but I think we have at least five types of tomatoes, four kinds of Zinnias, hollyhocks, caladiums, marigolds, English Daisies, etc, etc, etc. I have some of the flower beds around the yard already weeded and planned, just waiting for the cold to pass, the mulch to arrive and the flowers to start blooming. It is fun to see something like flowers come from tiny seeds.

Well, I'm sure I won't much feel like sitting on this hard wood stool over the weekend, so don't expect to see any posts. However, I may just take the keyboard to the bed and type from there (wouldn't you like to read the documentation of my pain!?). No pain, no more kids? Wish me well and say a prayer around 3:30.

Is change good? Is change bad? Is change otherwise non-imposing? I vote the latter, the former and all of the above. The outcome depends on the income and other surrounding circumstances. Look to the left side of my journal here, see anything different? Yes, there are some pictures now. I will add more as I get them off of my other computer (or find where I put them on this new one). I really debated this one out, weighed the pros and cons of adding pictures. In the end I caved.

I was reminded of Saul turned to Paul on his hourney to Damascus, searching for Jesus' followers. With letters in hand from the leaders in Jerusalem to arrest and bring them back from Damascus to Jerusalem, Saul went off, looking for anyone who might be a believer. But there was change to be had. He and his companions were stopped by a light like lightning when the Lord spoke to him. Change was about to take place. He was made blind, three days without sight, and the Lord had a plan. Change had happened, but was that all?

After three days of being without sight, Saul, (now Paul) was changed. Those he once sought to destroy were the ones who had restored his sight, the ones he now sought to be a part of.

The changes to this site are not nearly as great a change as that. I was merely reminded of that story as I added and managed the pictures. You who may have not had seen me before were, relatively speaking, blind. Now I've added pictures and you can now "see" who I am. Not terribly profound, just some images.

It was the third day that changed everything, but the fourth day was the new beginning for Jesus' disciples. He walked along the road with Cleopas and another disciple on their way to Emmaus, a town about seven miles from Jerusalem on that third day. They did not recognize Jesus, but listened to him and invited him in once they reached their appointed destination. Along the road, he explained to them all the things that had been written about the Christ, Messiah, himself. Upon entering the house, he broke bread, gave thanks and immediately their eyes were opened and Jesus was gone. It was evening.

At once they ran back and found the eleven disciples and other followers and told them everything about the experience they had just had with the risen Christ. Even as they discussed this Jesus himself appeared to them all.

But it would be the fourth day that would be the new beginning for them all.

We all have our fourth days, for me that is every day of my life. What do I intend to do with it? Well, I'm going to try to live my life as best I can; providing for my family, being there for friends that need me, helping those who have need, and trying my hardest to show Christ to those that do not know who he is or what he can do, I can try my best to show Agape (unconditional) Love to everyone. I know I will have days where I fall short. I know I will have days when I do a great job of that. I know there will be days when I only go about half way. But I also know that I will have God on my side, no matter what I do.

As Easter rapidly approaches, take time with me to reflect on what this season really stands for, what it really means, and how you and I can try our best to apply what it means in our lives. Easter is about the resurrection, about the hope of a new beginning, about having that second chance at life, about the one who makes all this possible for each of us - Jesus of Nazareth, the Risen Son of God.

For more on the road to Emmaus story, read the 24th Chapter of Luke, starting with verse 13. And for more information about the "Walk to Emmaus" retreats around the world, visit: http://upperroom.org/emmaus/